> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> previous 20 entries

November 20th, 2005

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

October 30th, 2005

09:09 pm my nostalgia list that i made with (to?) jasmine. read it and me nostaligic with me... I miss Leah-la-la-land where I could go and never be alone I miss never having fights with my mom I miss my babysitter Jaime who told me my goldfish went for a ride when it died and she got me a new one before she picked me up from school I miss when boys had cooties I miss when the fact that you could write your name in cursive meant that you were an overachiever I miss sitting in my room pretending I was a rock star, before I realized I couldn’t sing I miss faking sick and playing with Barbies and not feeling guilty I miss sitting with my dad while he did his home repair stuff and thinking I was helping I miss looking at the 8th graders when I was in 4th grade and thinking that I would never be that old and that they were practically adults: I miss thinking my sisters were invincible and that nothing could ever hurt them I miss play dates and play dough and nap time and story time I miss sitting home on Friday night, watching Disney original movies and changing the channel when my sisters came down because they’d tease me and call me a baby I miss 1 Saturday morning I miss waking up early in the morning when everyone else was still asleep and tip toeing around and then when my dad woke up he’d make me cereal and watch recess with me I miss pony rides and petting zoos I miss when everyone was friends with everyone else no matter what I miss when my sisters told my I was too little to build the knex ferries wheel and even though I hated that, secretly I loved the fact that I was babied I miss when Rebecca’s room was the play room and there was always an unfinished puzzle on the floor I miss bed time and being tucked in I miss my mom picking me and my sisters up at the bus stop and then the four of us watching Clarissa explains it all every afternoon I miss bringing bear to school I miss when my mom picked out my outfits for me and sometimes she'd surprise me by going shopping for me I miss sitting on the chair in the family room and reading and asking my mom what words meant every minute I miss coming home after a bad day and crying in my moms lap and having her be able to make it all better I miss picture books and coloring books Current Mood: nostalgic

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

October 26th, 2005

07:40 pm - Does it thunder and lightning, even when the sun shines? today made me question why i get out of bed in the morning. in bio we spent like half the class talking about what it would be like if humans gave birth to litters. in religion we did nothing. not like i wasnt paying attention and i didnt miss anything nothing, like literaly the word "bible" did not come up once in the entire class. Algebra II was normal. history golden came in and talked to us for a while and then we didnt really do much after that. then in spanish erkman came in and talked to us about myspace and how the internet is a public place. honestly, why do i get up in the morning? at least its started raining! i adore the rain. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Is it Raining at Your House - Brad Paisley

(Leave a comment)

October 24th, 2005

08:21 pm - Call me emo if you like..... ehh wrote this last week, spent the past couple days perfecting it. still a work in progress. Can you hear my silent tears over the sound of your voice on the radio? Can you trace the path we've fallowed to arrive at this place you call home that's my personal hell? Ask about me pretend like you care. We're the people we hate That we mock and we tease Throwing stones and im fragile as glass. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Patty Hurst Shifter

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

October 22nd, 2005

09:14 pm how have i become calm minded? im all like.... zen or something. me. zen. it doesnt work. im normally like going crazy all the time and overthinking everything....ok, i still overthink certain things, but i dont get pissed off at people as easily. im just like.... calm. maybe after 15 years of anxiety and being easily annoyed iv finally come to terms with the fact that i can just chill out. or maybe im just too tired to not be calm.... whatever the reason, somehow im unhappy with my life yet remarkably happy.... who knows Current Mood: calm Current Music: river city high

(Leave a comment)

October 13th, 2005

05:55 pm Dear lovely Casio Repair People: I, a loyal casio consumer, am sending my wonderful camera in for reapir. I DID NOT BREAK IT! It broke itself. It took itself to the beach, months ago, and got sand in its own lense. It was the one who was too scared to be sent in all along. NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY. i am also nearly broke. please take all of this into consideration while deciding weather you are going to make me pay to have my camera fixed. I, personally, think you should do it out of the goodness of your heart. $20 says you can afford to fix it wayyy more than i can. i take that back cause i dont have $20. sincerly, Leah Rappaport Current Mood: scared of the casio ppl Current Music: shuffle

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

October 11th, 2005

09:23 pm Is it sad that a fortune cookie can make me happy? that thats my last ray of hope? when i opened up the little bag after feasting on chinese food and ripped open the cookie and read, "your dearest desire will come true", i cant say i wasnt happy...excited...amazed at how lame i am for taking a fortune to mean anything more that a few words typed up and printed out, meaning nothing. no, i dont think that tomorrow magical things will happen. but its nice to pretend that maybe they will. although at this point i have no idea what my "dearest desire" is. anything i want would fuck something else up. everything is too complicated. maybe my dearest desire is to be happy again. and as cliche as that is, maybe thats all i really want. maybe someday i'll figure out how.... Current Mood: complacent Current Music: shuffle

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

October 8th, 2005

12:11 am i'm ok. i'll keep telling myself that until its true. and in 10 months, when i can drive away from here, it will come true. 10 short months..... Current Mood: a complete and total mess Current Music: Elliott Smith

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

October 2nd, 2005

03:51 pm i havent been me lately. not at all. i'v been the me i hate. the fake, sad me. but i think thats over. im happy right now. after a shitty week, i had a good weekend. horse show in woodside so i didnt have to go to school on friday. stayed home friday night and watched sex and the city. saterday after the show i went to the movie night thing at school and then today i went to the show and won myself reserve champion. :). ok, that helps my weekend, i wont lie, i like to win.... now i have hours and hours of homework. thats ok, i have tom petty to get me through it. and brad paisley. im sorry, im in love with brad paisley again. i was listening to tom petty and he got me all into the country state of mind, and thats where brad comes in.... o well. Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: brad paisly

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

September 28th, 2005

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

September 21st, 2005

08:23 pm Shity day today. fucking shity. thats the only way to describe it. but my shity days have gotten better, or iv gotten better at handling them. or numb to the pain. im not sure which. Going to denver to see sara tomorrow after school! so excited!!!!!!!!!! still not used to the fact that i have to fly 2 hours to see my sister, but im going to see her tomorrow! yay! well, time to study up on brunelleschi and the building of his dome! Current Mood: excited Current Music: The Jealous Sound

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

September 18th, 2005

06:01 pm i hate being two faced. but i cant seem to stop. dance friday night. it was ok. i donno, im not really the dance type. but there was hella shit going on. ppl got arrested and sent to the hospital and stuff for drinking. ahhhh drama, so exciting! last night molly jasmine shelley erik and i chilled in los altos. i died erik's hair black. it looks fucking awesome! now we just have to get him in tight jeans.... and out of flamboiant shirts..... lots of work to do. dont feel like doing any of it. Current Mood: cranky Current Music: New Pornographers- Loose Translation

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

September 11th, 2005

09:14 pm im so sick. i havent had energy for like a week. that means i havent ridden for a week. went to DC this weekend for my cousins Bar Mitvah. Got checked out by a bunch of 12 year olds. would be flattered if i was 3 years younger. do i look 12? happy to be home. i'v been feeling anti social lately. but i dont feel confortable without being surounded by people. not a good combonation. I descovered last night that im a bitch. i'v become the type of person i spent years hating. and i hate myself for it. Lonely and depressed is my default emotion. when i have no reason to feal otherwise, i become lonely and depressed. like right now. I feel like im falling apart at the seams. I need to learn to stitch myself up and not wait for someone to come along and do it for me. Im addicted to death cab. i think i need a 12 step program Current Mood: cold, sick, depressed, lonely Current Music: death cab

(Leave a comment)

September 7th, 2005

09:38 pm schools gotten... better? i donno, i guess i like most of my classes. no big social disasters to speak of as of yet. i guess its fine. good. whatever. fill in your favorite neutral adjective. stayed at molly's sunday/monday/tuesday. that was muy fun. went up to the city with her and allison on monday. very fun. got some cute stuff. I'm officially alone. my parents came back from dropping sara off in denver this afternoon. its just me now. and for the next three years. yikes. it feels weird. im trying to reassure myself. pointing out all the good things. i got in the shower today and i could sing at the top of my lungs without sara getting mad at me. or i got to decide what was for dinner tonight, including avocado in the salad, which rebecca doesnt like. but its still like my sisters are gone and no amount of avocado or singing in the shower is going to bring them back. :( . i'm going to visit sara in a few weeks so that should be nice. ok this song is my song right now. well, its ben gibard's song. but i adore it. "Summer Skin" Squeaky swings and tall grass The longest shadows ever cast The water's warm and children swim And we frolicked about in our summer skin I don't recall a single care Just greenery and humid air Then Labor day came and went And we shed what was left of our summer skin On the night you left I came over And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders Our brand new coats so flushed and pink And I knew your heart I couldn't win Cause the seasons change was a conduit And we left our love in our summer skin Current Mood: sick Current Music: new pornographers!!!!

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

August 31st, 2005

09:18 pm school started. first day of classes today. im starting to think about bording school again. that should sum up how im feeling well enough. Current Mood: depressed

(Leave a comment)

August 18th, 2005

12:51 pm went school suply shopping today. sara had to get glue sticks so we wound up at mcwarters and i figured id have to do it eventually. does this mean summers over? im deffinatly not ready for sumemr to be over. not at all. my birthday was very good. went up to the city with my dad and then to cpk with ppl. i love my birthday. something just fell down in my shower and then my door blew open. i think my room is haunted. Current Mood: blah Current Music: less than jake

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

August 15th, 2005

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

August 13th, 2005

11:35 pm i'm starting to question the point of it all again. i'm starting to scare myself again. why can't i be as happy as i seem? it will pass. it will pass. it will pass. on a happier note, current birthday countdown: TWO DAYS AND 25 MINUTES. ok im lame Current Mood: sad Current Music: natlie and 1cc- spill canvas

(Leave a comment)

August 11th, 2005

09:48 pm - I'll never believe in love again i got the new spill canvas cd yesterday. its ok. has some good songs. not as good as Sunsets and Car Crashes. but theres one song on it that im in love with and i totally completly relate to and i love love love love love love. natalie marie and 1cc. its pretty much like every word of this song was written about me. that feeling happened alot while listening to the album. anyways, here are the lyrics. "Natalie Marie And 1cc" Yeah there's a method to my madness If only I could find it I could make you safe See there's a therapist trying to tell me that you are just a figment of my tainted brain No, I believe that you're not just conjured up No, I believe 'cause I feel it when we touch You make it dry when it's raining outside You warm my blood when the temperature dies You're my crutch when it's all to hard to bare See without you here I could not be anywhere A wide-eyed flutter and the violins, they swell I lost everything I own I don't need it, can't you tell? Oh, all I truly need is you (Natalie Marie) This disturbing make-believe's come true (Natalie Marie) I spent every cent I had just to buy the things that you would ultimately never get But now I'm starting to believe that I'm really going crazy 'cause I can't recall when we met No, I believe that you're not just conjured up No, I believe 'cause I feel it when we touch You make it dry when it's raining outside You warm my blood when the temperature dies You're my crutch when it's all to hard to bare See without you here I could not be anywhere A wide-eyed flutter and the violins, they swell I lost everything I own I don't need it, can't you tell? Oh, all I truly need is you (Natalie Marie) This disturbing make-believe's come true (Natalie Marie) Natalie, it turns out that your were just my sick little fantasy So I tried to pry you from my head Now look at me It appears as if I've injured myself severely, yeah But like the doctor said you were always dead Now I'm in stitches Over you and over you, oh Now I'm in stitches Over you and over you, oh A wide-eyed flutter and the violins, they swell I lost everything I own I don't need it, can't you tell? Oh, all I truly need is you (Natalie Marie) This disturbing make-believe's come true (Natalie Marie) Current Mood: calm Current Music: One Fell Swoop - The Spill Canvas

(Leave a comment)

August 10th, 2005

06:38 pm sorry about the entry yesterday. i shouldnt feel that way. im lucky to have all these amazing people around who love me and i understand that. i'll get through whatever this is and i'll stop bitching and moaning about my life in the mean time. Current Mood: blah Current Music: world leader pretend

(Leave a comment)